This might be the beginning of a midlife crisis.  Thirty-five qualifies as mid-life, right?  I'm pretty sure it does.  I was watching Good Morning America and yearned for a life in NYC so bad I felt myself wanting to explode.  I missed the smells of car exhaust and roasted nuts on the corners.  I missed the energy, the hustle and bustle, and the diversity of the people.  I missed the life I once dreamed of there.  For the few years I got to live there in my early twenties, I did appreciate it.  I took pride in the job I had worked so hard to get and felt accomplished by finally making it there.  I thought I'd stay in NYC, fall in love, and maybe eventually move to a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights.  At that time, kids really didn't even cross my mind or marriage for that matter.  I was really only concerned about falling in love and pursuing a career.  I thought I'd shop spend my Saturdays at brunch in Soho with friends then maybe heading to Bloomingdales to check out their latest sale, and finally finish the day with a matinee at the Public Theater or some off-Broadway production.  My craving for NYC is not something that can be cured with a weekend trip to visit friends.  It is more like coming to terms with the loss of a dream.  I guess you can have everything in life, just maybe not all at the same time....but a girl (or middle-aged woman) can still dream, right? 

The hard part about this is I am perfectly happy in my life.  Happier than I ever thought possible.  I am still madly in love with my husband of and we have perfectly energetic little kiddos.  I spend my days pouring my love and life into them.  I spent the first 25 years of my life trying to run away from Texas (which is not a bad place), and what do you know it is where I ended...up for now.  The adventure hasn't ended, it has simply changed.  

Operation exit plan begins

I have been at my current job for 6 years.  For me, 6 years in one place is a really, really long time.  Prior to this job, I like to think I had a career- a career I was passionate about and proud of.  I worked long hours and at the end of the day I felt fulfilled.  My current job has been tolerable and simply a job.  It gives me extreme flexibility which has been especially beneficial now that I have a little one and I like my boss.  My biggest struggle at this job has been pure boredom, which I justified to myself wasn't a good enough reason to find something else.  I made a promise to myself long ago that I would never stay at a job I hated.  I watched my step-mother go to a desk job for 30 years she was miserable at day after day and I never wanted that life.  And more than anything, I'm reminded time after time that life is short, so don't want to spend the time I've been given on Earth miserable.  I know we all have the power to change our current situation, but sometimes (especially for me) it takes having a current shitty situation to make the change.  Today at work, I was notified of some changes.  I came home and told the Hubby the time had come.  I am going to quit my job.  He gave me a, "Ya, sure ya are" kind of look. Now we aren't exactly in some cush comfortable financial situation.  If I quit my job we definitely would not be shopping at my beloved Whole Foods, but we'd survive on one income until I pulled myself out of the water. But today,  I really did come home thinking I was going to quit, like tomorrow.  How could I let my little girl watch me go to a job I will soon most likely hate?  What kind of role model would I be?  Then it occurred to me, that quitting a day after I found out about a change, before the change even took place, wouldn't exactly be the best example either.  So after a night of contemplation and returning to blogging after a long hiatus, I've come to a better conclusion.
I'm going to start my exit plan. 

Who I might want to be when I grow up

When I am looking at pursuing a new avenue in life I look for mentors.  I find when you are looking to do something it helps to find someone else who has already done it and done it well.  I started day dreaming about famous possible mentors.  People I would like to be when I grow up.  Some of these people may actually be younger in age than me.  Keep in mind, I desire these people's work lives,  not personal lives.  Although my professional life is lacking, my personal life is close to perfect.  I am very blessed with a network of family and friends and of course having my best friend as my Husband.  
Okay here we go.  
Ryan Murphy- Producer, Writer, Director.  Most well known in my opinion for Glee.  How awesome to go to work creating a television show about musicals.  I can't think of a better job and he gets paid really well for it.

Julie Taymor- Director, producer.  Most recently known for being booted from Spiderman the Musical by Bono and the Edge after pouring her heart and soul into the project for over seven years. I find her to be a creative and brillant woman. 

Tina Fey- I desire the writer/producer part of Tina's career.  I have no desire to be in front of the camera.  She is awesome.  I want to write my own version of Bossypants but it would be more like ShyPants. 

 Gwenyth Paltrow- I like that Gwenyth isn't afraid to try new things.  She dipped her toes into the singing world(which doesn't always work out in her favor in my opinion), wrote a cook book, sends out the weekly GOOP email and of course is a stellar actress in film and television. 

Adam Richman- Eating ridiculous amounts of food, traveling and then writing about it?  Sign me up.  How in the world did he get such a sweet job? I can't Man vs. Food without getting hungry. 

Who might you want to be when you grow up? 

There isn't enough time

I feel my life ending.  I have 5 months left to turning 31.  When I think about it my hearts starts to pound and it becomes difficult to catch my breath.  There is so much I want to do still and I feel like there is not enough time.  Instead of this kicking me in the butt to do something I've become paralyzed with fear.  I spent the first 25 years striving for a career, then completely shifted my focus to love.  I have the love, now I need to regain the passion to get the career back and more importantly to figure out what I want that career to be.  I know the best way to go about things is to go out on my own.  Oprah says to make a list of the things you love to help figure these life crisis out so here we go- people, laughing, musicals, theater, television, anything to do with story telling, listening to friends, giving advice, writing, dancing alone, singing in the shower, traveling....  There it is, Oprah.  Now what?

Help jump starting a career change

My morning routine consists of making my way out of bed, pouring my cup of coffee, strapping on the headphones for an innercheerleader session typically to an upbeat musical tune, and heading to the computer to search for jobs.  I search local performing arts organizations, non-profit sites, and the typical job search sights such as indeed.com, monster.com and careerbuilder.com.  In my months of searching I have only applied to four jobs.  Only four jobs have interested me enough to even send my resume.  Out of those four jobs I have made it through to the second interviews with two positions, one position half way across the country.  I've realized my biggest problem is not knowing what I am searching for.  I want something that I love doing everyday and get paid for.  I know this is possible because I spend 5 years at jobs I loved with people I adored.  My mind gets jumbled when I try and narrow down what I am looking for.  I have experience in non-profit marketing and medical marketing, but I don't necessarily want to continue on the marketing path.  
I am not organized or detail oriented.  Once a reference called me after talking to a future employer and said, " They asked me to rate your organizational skills from 1-5.  I gave you a 4/5.  I am going to hell." 


I am open to suggestions.  Please help!

Here are some of the thoughts on my where I might want to go next. 

• Working at a university or private school in admissions.  I loved college and walking on campus everyday.  This might pose as a problem for me as I enjoy the company of intellectuals but admittedly am not an intellectual myself.  Hopefully they wouldn't check my college transcripts. 
• Casting for commercials, movies etc (does this even exist in Texas?  I might be in the wrong state)
• Working with people to help them find what they want to do- even though I struggle at this, I find I am good at encouraging others.  Do as I say not as I do right?  
• Flexible schedule and generous vacation time.  Although not motivated too much by money, generous vacation gets me motivated.