This might be the beginning of a midlife crisis.  Thirty-five qualifies as mid-life, right?  I'm pretty sure it does.  I was watching Good Morning America and yearned for a life in NYC so bad I felt myself wanting to explode.  I missed the smells of car exhaust and roasted nuts on the corners.  I missed the energy, the hustle and bustle, and the diversity of the people.  I missed the life I once dreamed of there.  For the few years I got to live there in my early twenties, I did appreciate it.  I took pride in the job I had worked so hard to get and felt accomplished by finally making it there.  I thought I'd stay in NYC, fall in love, and maybe eventually move to a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights.  At that time, kids really didn't even cross my mind or marriage for that matter.  I was really only concerned about falling in love and pursuing a career.  I thought I'd shop spend my Saturdays at brunch in Soho with friends then maybe heading to Bloomingdales to check out their latest sale, and finally finish the day with a matinee at the Public Theater or some off-Broadway production.  My craving for NYC is not something that can be cured with a weekend trip to visit friends.  It is more like coming to terms with the loss of a dream.  I guess you can have everything in life, just maybe not all at the same time....but a girl (or middle-aged woman) can still dream, right? 

The hard part about this is I am perfectly happy in my life.  Happier than I ever thought possible.  I am still madly in love with my husband of and we have perfectly energetic little kiddos.  I spend my days pouring my love and life into them.  I spent the first 25 years of my life trying to run away from Texas (which is not a bad place), and what do you know it is where I ended...up for now.  The adventure hasn't ended, it has simply changed.  

Once I was cool, now I am happy.

I will NEVER drive a minivan. Can you hear your 15 year old self, 25 year old self etc say it?  Age really has nothing to do with considering a minivan.  I think it has more to do with having kids.  I think many people, even with a bundle of kids won't consider a minivan simply for the reputation.  With a 3 month old and a toddler, I now drive a minivan.  I adore this car.  Every single detail has been thought out and planned to make life easier for parents.  It drives like a luxury vehicle as my husband loves to say.  Oh the space!  There is so much space for everything including my double stroller! Yet, as we pulled out of the dealership I felt myself having a slight panic attack.  I. drive. a minivan.  It felt like I had handed over the tiny bit of youth I had been holding onto. As I drove into our neighborhood for the first time in the spanking new minivan inhaling the new car smell, I rolled down the window prepared to wave and honk at a neighbor.  Then as I approached, I rolled the window back up.  I wasn't ready to reveal my minivan self and let go of the ounce of youth remaining.  David Grohl drives a minivan and loves it.  That has to give me some cool points, right?  

As I pondered my youth, motherhood and being a wife it occurred to me.  Driving a minivan might not yet (or lets face it ever)  be perceived as cool, but this stage of life is awesome.  I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  I am where I'm suppose to be.  My "cool" days were spent confused and trying to find myself. By the way I think only old people say "cool" now.  Anyways, I've decided to embrace my minivan days.  I'm oh so grateful that God blessed me with a minivan life.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.